If you missed Part 1....hopefully I remembered to add a link to it before I published this one. ;)
By the end of my undergrad career I had become really close “friends” with MC. I hate that he’s the focus of my CS story, but I want to be a warning to other people out there. Don’t be stupid like me. Sometimes I feel like I got out of an abusive relationship, lol. Not physical - he’s CS for crying out loud. But by the time our friendship was over I had zero confidence in myself in the one area of my life he had any influence - CS. I can’t imagine what he does to the women he dates.
Everyone else in the CS department is great. I mean...there are some weird ones. Well, some REALLY weird ones. We’re all weird. But most of us are the kind of weird that we can accept. Maybe no one outside of us can...but we do. There are some that we can’t even tolerate. But I’m not here to make fun of the freakiest of the freaks. That’s just mean. But try to tone down your weird, guys. Just a little. For me? Please?
So, anyway. By the time I graduated I was friends with most of the department. At least the group of people who were as far along into the program as I was. Three of us stuck around for grad school. I thought that was a lot. But this past year? I think EVERYONE stuck around for grad school. It amused me. Leave the nest, little birds! But I still visit campus...so who am I to judge?
Gah! So off-topic! Grad school. It was fun. Mostly. I think what detracted from it was my friendship with MC. By now he had made me dependent on him, school-wise. If I didn’t understand something I’d ask him for help. “Well how do you think you should do it?” I explain my thinking and am called an idiot and told how to do it - his way. I can’t emphasize this enough:
DO YOUR OWN WORK.
It’s tricky, because you can obviously get help from people. Every other friend I’ve had in the department I’ve been able to work with and still learn. So I guess I should say....always make sure you understand what you’re turning in. Don’t just let someone tell you how to do it. And if anyone EVER makes you feel stupid for not understanding something - get away from them. I don’t mean those people that are so freakishly smart you can’t believe they’re actually human. I mean people who purposefully insult you for not being as smart as they are.
He was constantly telling me I was dumb - telling other people I was dumb. He told me if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have made it through grad school. But you know what? I had classes without him. And I made perfectly good grades in them. And I actually KNEW the stuff I was doing. Well, except for Networks. But that class is BS. All the classes I had with MC...I don’t think I learned anything. Other than how worthless I was.
By the end of grad school I was sick of it. He was pissing me off on a weekly basis. No, daily, probably. The only reason I stayed his friend was because I knew after graduation we wouldn’t talk any more. I didn’t want him to think I was only his friend so I could get help from him. And I wasn’t brave enough to call him a dick. Well, that’s a lie. I think I did call him a dick a lot. He just didn’t care. Any time you call him out on his BS he just assumes you’re jealous.
Part 3 (the final part) should be posted next week. Stay tuned for the cluster f*ck that was the end of our friendship!! :D :D
September 26, 2012
September 24, 2012
Grandparents
I follow this blog. It’s written by a girl who has the same disease as the daughters of the women who write these blogs. She’s a pretty cool kid. Just started college. Anyway, her last post was about her grandfather who had just passed away. She was saying how she avoided writing about him while he was ill because she didn’t want to admit he was dying, and that she dreamed he’d be at her wedding and get to see her kids.
I almost lost it, guys. I told you before (link) about my grandparents all passing away really quickly. I only had one blood grandparent still living with Mr. T and I got married - my dad’s dad. And he and my adopted grandfather (Mama N’s dad) were both so frail we were scared to risk the hour drive and spending all day out in the heat at our outdoor wedding.
So there were no grandparents at my wedding. Just six months previously I had had three living grandparents, two of which had no signs of leaving us any time soon and the other two were significantly healthier than they were by the time the wedding rolled around. And it makes me really sad to think about.
I think about my mom’s parents a lot, actually. I miss them more than I miss my dad’s. That felt mean to say, but hear me out. My dad’s parents both lived into their 90s. They both got very ill prior to passing away. We knew they were going to pass soon, and we prepared ourselves. The same thing happened with Mr. T’s grandfather. When someone is that ill it’s painful to see them hang on. I’m so thankful I was raised to believe in God - I don’t see how anyone who doesn’t have that faith can cope when a loved one passes. Because I know that one day I will see my grandparents, and Mr. T’s grandfather, again one day. And that makes it okay.
Mom’s parents passed away so suddenly. They were healthy. Well, as healthy as people in their 70s can be. They had a garden, they lived on the river and went fishing almost daily, they were so young. They died in a car crash the day after Valentine’s Day - almost six months to the day of my wedding day. When my aunt saw me at the funeral home she hugged me and said how upset they’d be to know they wouldn’t be at my wedding. They never got to meet my niece. My sister wasn’t even pregnant yet, actually. She didn’t get pregnant until at least May, because I was living with them when they found out.
Anyway. I don’t know where I was going with that, other than I got sad and wanted to write to release it. My ability to ramble usually makes me get off-topic and less depressed. Yay, short attention spans! Also, it reminded me of when my cousin told me she was GLAD our grandparents were dead, because she had found pictures of me on FB that she found offensive. And then proceeded to call my mom and LEAVE HER A VOICEMAIL telling here there were NUDE images of me on the Internet. Oh goodness... Not a fan of all my family members - let me tell you.
I had taken down my posts that told that whole story after my dear cousin (I had some clever acronym for her, didn’t I?) found my blog. Thank you, Sister Dear! :P But I’ve never felt right about it. I called her some bad names (cunt being one of them), which was a bit low, but she accused me of being hypocritical for calling her gossipy then posting the whole thing for all my friends to see. But I wasn’t being gossipy! I was copy/pasting our exact conversation into a blog, then calling my cousin a cunt. So I feel like I let the terrorists win that one. I’m going to put those posts back up. I’m not going to link to them. But I’ll republish them.
I almost lost it, guys. I told you before (link) about my grandparents all passing away really quickly. I only had one blood grandparent still living with Mr. T and I got married - my dad’s dad. And he and my adopted grandfather (Mama N’s dad) were both so frail we were scared to risk the hour drive and spending all day out in the heat at our outdoor wedding.
So there were no grandparents at my wedding. Just six months previously I had had three living grandparents, two of which had no signs of leaving us any time soon and the other two were significantly healthier than they were by the time the wedding rolled around. And it makes me really sad to think about.
I think about my mom’s parents a lot, actually. I miss them more than I miss my dad’s. That felt mean to say, but hear me out. My dad’s parents both lived into their 90s. They both got very ill prior to passing away. We knew they were going to pass soon, and we prepared ourselves. The same thing happened with Mr. T’s grandfather. When someone is that ill it’s painful to see them hang on. I’m so thankful I was raised to believe in God - I don’t see how anyone who doesn’t have that faith can cope when a loved one passes. Because I know that one day I will see my grandparents, and Mr. T’s grandfather, again one day. And that makes it okay.
Mom’s parents passed away so suddenly. They were healthy. Well, as healthy as people in their 70s can be. They had a garden, they lived on the river and went fishing almost daily, they were so young. They died in a car crash the day after Valentine’s Day - almost six months to the day of my wedding day. When my aunt saw me at the funeral home she hugged me and said how upset they’d be to know they wouldn’t be at my wedding. They never got to meet my niece. My sister wasn’t even pregnant yet, actually. She didn’t get pregnant until at least May, because I was living with them when they found out.
Anyway. I don’t know where I was going with that, other than I got sad and wanted to write to release it. My ability to ramble usually makes me get off-topic and less depressed. Yay, short attention spans! Also, it reminded me of when my cousin told me she was GLAD our grandparents were dead, because she had found pictures of me on FB that she found offensive. And then proceeded to call my mom and LEAVE HER A VOICEMAIL telling here there were NUDE images of me on the Internet. Oh goodness... Not a fan of all my family members - let me tell you.
I had taken down my posts that told that whole story after my dear cousin (I had some clever acronym for her, didn’t I?) found my blog. Thank you, Sister Dear! :P But I’ve never felt right about it. I called her some bad names (cunt being one of them), which was a bit low, but she accused me of being hypocritical for calling her gossipy then posting the whole thing for all my friends to see. But I wasn’t being gossipy! I was copy/pasting our exact conversation into a blog, then calling my cousin a cunt. So I feel like I let the terrorists win that one. I’m going to put those posts back up. I’m not going to link to them. But I’ll republish them.
September 19, 2012
This is (Part 1 of) a Story of a Girl
I wrote one really long post, and then split it into multiple posts, so maybe you'll read them...here is Part 1:
When I started in the CS department, I didn’t know anything about programming. I just liked computers. I mean...I used FB a lot, and I liked to play games - the Internet was fun...why not?! I mean, the major has “Computer” in the name! The other major I was looking at - Digital Animation - required art classes. I’m not an artist! Science! Let’s try it out!!
So...1170. It blew my mind. Looking back, I think I picked up on stuff relatively quickly. For most of my life I considered myself fairly intelligent. I made a 4.0 in high school, thankyouverymuch. My professor, though, man...he was a scary dude! Not that he was actually frightening - he just really emphasized the importance of understanding ev.re.thing. And I didn’t understand all of it. Honestly - I still don’t. But he drilled it into our heads that if we didn’t understand everything in 1170 there was no way we’d get through 2170.
Here is my CS shame: I panicked. I decided to retake the class. There was...maybe a month left? I decided to focus on other classes instead - I was retaking this one, right? My grade dropped from a B to a D. On top of that, I had discovered that you could skip classes! I was in a massive 100-student Psychology class and skipped it allll the time. Got a C. I had NEVER gotten a C, much less a D, in any class ever. So now that I’m paying for school, of course I do. I almost lost my scholarships the first semester. My parents almost killed me.
But! I retook 1170 that summer. I had another professor, and he was da bomb. Plus, I already knew everything from having already had the class. I aced it, no sweat. The next semester I signed up for 2170. It was a little more difficult, but I got through it. Really started to like it, too. Programming is fun! Woo!
The next semester I think I had 3080 and 3110. 3080 remained my favorite class through all 5.5 years I was taking CS classes (I didn’t have any my first semester). I loved the professor, I loved the subject...I wish I could take it again for fun. But I’m afraid I might not like it now. lol! Anyway. 3110 destroyed me. That class was sooo hard! But I got through it. I had the same professor I’d had for 2170 and I spent a lot of time in his office. He helped me so much, though! Also, I had made a friend (d’awww....). Little Hippo sat beside me in 3080. And would NOT shut up. It was either befriend him or murder him, and I wasn’t as angry of a person then as I am now. Lucky him.
Mmmm...then things start to get fuzzy. I had 3160 and that’s where I met MC. That professor has the students get contact information from other students in the class. Hm...who knew I had a sweet little Korean woman to blame for my terrible programming self-esteem. ;) Nah, she’s another one of my favorite professors - I can’t blame her.
At any rate - the last 2.5 years I was in undergrad I really got involved with the CS department. I made a ton of friends, really enjoyed *most* of my classes, and *most* of my professors (I have to admit, the longer I was in the department the less I liked programming - shhhhh...don’t tell anyone!). Just now I started thinking about blaming all that on MC, but I don’t think that’s fair. I’m just not as into it as most other CS majors are. I never cared to write code on my own, for fun. I didn’t research new technologies. I still don’t understand anything about computer hardware, and only the basics of software.
The only things that kept me in the program were my friends and the knowledge that if I tried to start over with another major I wouldn’t graduate on time. So of COURSE I stayed and got a Master’s in CS, too. >.<
Look for Part 2 next week.
When I started in the CS department, I didn’t know anything about programming. I just liked computers. I mean...I used FB a lot, and I liked to play games - the Internet was fun...why not?! I mean, the major has “Computer” in the name! The other major I was looking at - Digital Animation - required art classes. I’m not an artist! Science! Let’s try it out!!
So...1170. It blew my mind. Looking back, I think I picked up on stuff relatively quickly. For most of my life I considered myself fairly intelligent. I made a 4.0 in high school, thankyouverymuch. My professor, though, man...he was a scary dude! Not that he was actually frightening - he just really emphasized the importance of understanding ev.re.thing. And I didn’t understand all of it. Honestly - I still don’t. But he drilled it into our heads that if we didn’t understand everything in 1170 there was no way we’d get through 2170.
Here is my CS shame: I panicked. I decided to retake the class. There was...maybe a month left? I decided to focus on other classes instead - I was retaking this one, right? My grade dropped from a B to a D. On top of that, I had discovered that you could skip classes! I was in a massive 100-student Psychology class and skipped it allll the time. Got a C. I had NEVER gotten a C, much less a D, in any class ever. So now that I’m paying for school, of course I do. I almost lost my scholarships the first semester. My parents almost killed me.
But! I retook 1170 that summer. I had another professor, and he was da bomb. Plus, I already knew everything from having already had the class. I aced it, no sweat. The next semester I signed up for 2170. It was a little more difficult, but I got through it. Really started to like it, too. Programming is fun! Woo!
The next semester I think I had 3080 and 3110. 3080 remained my favorite class through all 5.5 years I was taking CS classes (I didn’t have any my first semester). I loved the professor, I loved the subject...I wish I could take it again for fun. But I’m afraid I might not like it now. lol! Anyway. 3110 destroyed me. That class was sooo hard! But I got through it. I had the same professor I’d had for 2170 and I spent a lot of time in his office. He helped me so much, though! Also, I had made a friend (d’awww....). Little Hippo sat beside me in 3080. And would NOT shut up. It was either befriend him or murder him, and I wasn’t as angry of a person then as I am now. Lucky him.
Mmmm...then things start to get fuzzy. I had 3160 and that’s where I met MC. That professor has the students get contact information from other students in the class. Hm...who knew I had a sweet little Korean woman to blame for my terrible programming self-esteem. ;) Nah, she’s another one of my favorite professors - I can’t blame her.
At any rate - the last 2.5 years I was in undergrad I really got involved with the CS department. I made a ton of friends, really enjoyed *most* of my classes, and *most* of my professors (I have to admit, the longer I was in the department the less I liked programming - shhhhh...don’t tell anyone!). Just now I started thinking about blaming all that on MC, but I don’t think that’s fair. I’m just not as into it as most other CS majors are. I never cared to write code on my own, for fun. I didn’t research new technologies. I still don’t understand anything about computer hardware, and only the basics of software.
The only things that kept me in the program were my friends and the knowledge that if I tried to start over with another major I wouldn’t graduate on time. So of COURSE I stayed and got a Master’s in CS, too. >.<
Look for Part 2 next week.
September 18, 2012
Overly Automated POS...
Here is the blog post where I complain about my work bathroom. Ready for this?
So every time I go in the bathroom there is this *click* sound. I used to always think there was someone in the bathroom...but no one ever was. I don’t know how long I was here - probably at least a month or two - before I realized the lights further in the room were automatic. The ones right by the door are always on, but the back half aren’t.
Then there’s the toilet. Which works fine. NOT automatic, I should note. I’m actually surprised they aren’t. But they do spray water out when flushing. Waaaay too high-powered. It’s so gross! No one wants pee water (or worse) sprayed all over their legs! So I always flush then take a step forward to get closer to the door - further from the spray. But this means that more often than I’d care to admit I’ll hit my head as I bend down to pull my pants back up.
And now for the fun part. Automatic soap dispensers and sinks. It’s foamy soap, so it gets all dry and crusty if it sits too long. So the first ejaculation is all weird and sad - you gotta get two. Let me say right now, on record, that automatic soap dispensers are dumb. Why are they necessary? I get toilets - make sure people flush, sinks - make sure the water gets turned off, and paper towel dispensers - don’t want to touch anything “dirty” after just washing your hands. But soap?! Soooo unnecessary!!
Oy, the sinks! I have no clue where the motion sensor is on those stupid things. I flail my hands all over the place trying to get them to work. One day I sat there for a good 30 seconds before giving up and going to another sink. What always works, though, is pressing your hands right against the spout. But that means that when the water starts coming out (immediately), you’ve created that high-pressured spray that everyone loves coming out of a water hose in summer. Except it’s from a sink at work. And it will spray your torso. This isn’t just coming from me - I’ve seen it happen to several other ladies.
And finally - the cleaning. Dude, these bathroom are spotless. Which is great. But they’re spotless because a cleaning lady is in them THREE TIMES A DAY. Once in the morning, around 9:30 or so; once right after lunch time; and once around 3:00 in the afternoon. Is this really necessary?? There are probably less than 60 people total in this office! And they’re definitely not all women. The bathrooms on campus didn’t get cleaned this much, and they were servicing hundreds of students daily.
So every time I go in the bathroom there is this *click* sound. I used to always think there was someone in the bathroom...but no one ever was. I don’t know how long I was here - probably at least a month or two - before I realized the lights further in the room were automatic. The ones right by the door are always on, but the back half aren’t.
Then there’s the toilet. Which works fine. NOT automatic, I should note. I’m actually surprised they aren’t. But they do spray water out when flushing. Waaaay too high-powered. It’s so gross! No one wants pee water (or worse) sprayed all over their legs! So I always flush then take a step forward to get closer to the door - further from the spray. But this means that more often than I’d care to admit I’ll hit my head as I bend down to pull my pants back up.
And now for the fun part. Automatic soap dispensers and sinks. It’s foamy soap, so it gets all dry and crusty if it sits too long. So the first ejaculation is all weird and sad - you gotta get two. Let me say right now, on record, that automatic soap dispensers are dumb. Why are they necessary? I get toilets - make sure people flush, sinks - make sure the water gets turned off, and paper towel dispensers - don’t want to touch anything “dirty” after just washing your hands. But soap?! Soooo unnecessary!!
Oy, the sinks! I have no clue where the motion sensor is on those stupid things. I flail my hands all over the place trying to get them to work. One day I sat there for a good 30 seconds before giving up and going to another sink. What always works, though, is pressing your hands right against the spout. But that means that when the water starts coming out (immediately), you’ve created that high-pressured spray that everyone loves coming out of a water hose in summer. Except it’s from a sink at work. And it will spray your torso. This isn’t just coming from me - I’ve seen it happen to several other ladies.
And finally - the cleaning. Dude, these bathroom are spotless. Which is great. But they’re spotless because a cleaning lady is in them THREE TIMES A DAY. Once in the morning, around 9:30 or so; once right after lunch time; and once around 3:00 in the afternoon. Is this really necessary?? There are probably less than 60 people total in this office! And they’re definitely not all women. The bathrooms on campus didn’t get cleaned this much, and they were servicing hundreds of students daily.
 |
| Well at least it's not this kind of sink... (source) |
September 17, 2012
Let's Get Freaky
Well this post might be awkward for some. You’ve been warned.
I’m going to talk about sex. And Christians. And Christian sex. You’ve been doubly-warned. DON’T COMPLAIN IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT AND READ IT ANYWAY. :P
So, most Christians believe you should save yourself for marriage. I always believed this. I even went so far as to not want to kiss before marriage (that went out the window when I met Mr. Sexy back in my freshman year - but I never kissed my emo boyfriend who came before him!), but I think that was due to me being upset that no one had even tried to kiss me for the first 18-19 years of my life. Like...if I say I’m saving it, no one will know how big of a loser I am.
Anywho. I can see the reasoning for that. I’ve only had sex with Mr. T (But that happened prior to our wedding day - SURPRISE, anyone who didn’t know! If it makes you feel better, we were engaged, at least...). I did “fool around” with the douchebag that came before him. I won’t go into more detail than that, for all our sakes. And I really do regret that. He has given me nothing but regrets and bad memories. So on the one hand...
But then there’s that other hand. I had a lovely, lovely friend get married. She’s much more...conservative...than I am. And her friends were even more conservative than she! So she was a virgin going into her wedding night. And most of her bridesmaids - well, all her single bridesmaids - were also virgins. For her bachelorette party they made penis cupcakes...and they didn’t come close to looking anatomically correct. And one of the girls making it was married! With a child! Blew my mind. Anyway - the night before the wedding we all went shopping together. My dear friend bought all sorts of crazy stuff. Preparing for the worst. She doesn’t drink, but she was planning on having wine. She bought all sorts of calming stuff, and lubes, and stuff to help her “with the pain” after.
It totally blew my mind. And everyone else was freaking. the. f. out. It was crazy! I was like...it’s just sex!! It’s fun! I maaaay have been drunk the first time (HOW TERRIBLE OF ME), but it didn’t hurt all that bad. I just wasn’t seeing what the big deal was. So while all these virgins were telling her all these horror stories (WTF, ladies?!?!), I was trying to calm her down. I obviously failed.
I texted her while they were on their honeymoon, to check in on “the experience”. She had totally freaked. Now, she is a tiny little lady, and her husband is a fairly large man (I can’t speak for their...intimate areas...of course, but this is just overall size). So I’m sure there might have been some size differences. But I refuse to believe there wasn’t some psychological issues as well. They’re having to go to counseling, and have been married for quite some time now - still haven’t had sex. It’s...it’s really sad to me. I mean, I’m lazy and will often turn down the naughty time with Mr. T if it’s late and I need to go to bed (HOW TERRIBLE OF A PERSON AM I, SERIOUSLY?!)....but when he does convince me to cooperate, we both have a good time.
So...what’s my opinion? I have no idea. I do know that planning a wedding is fracking stressful. I can’t imagine having the whole “I’m about to have sex for the first time.” thought looming over me the entire time I’m picking out colors and dresses and the million other things women have to worry about because men just do. not. care. I do believe my wedding was less stressful because of it. We didn’t even have sex on our wedding night! Again, alcohol was the culprit (OMG, I SUCK) - I passed out after our after party.
And maybe that’s the answer. Don’t have sex on your wedding night. Know you’re not going to. Just enjoy being together as a married couple for the first time. Wait until you’re on your honeymoon and the stress of the wedding, and family is gone. You’re in an unfamiliar place, and you feel safe and adventurous with your love. Maybe that’s my advice. I don’t know.
I do know I’m terrified my kids are going to start having sex in high school. No parent wants that. I would prefer for them to wait until they’ve found the person they’re going to marry. Definitely wait until they’re adults and know what they want out of life and a life partner. I definitely don’t want to them to give it up to people who are barely acquaintances. But do I think they’re going to go to Hell if they have sex before their married? No. If they make a mistake and have sex with someone they end up not marrying? No. I do know this: I don’t want them to have the regrets I do over el douchebag. But I also know I don’t want them to have the same experience my friend has had.
In conclusion: ...I got nothing. Well, sex is an extremely personal thing. Do what you think is best. I won’t judge you, and anyone who does isn’t worth your time.
Also, I hope that if my dear friend reads this she doesn’t get upset with me. I love her, and her situation is breaking my heart. I hope things work out for her and her husband, and soon.
I’m going to talk about sex. And Christians. And Christian sex. You’ve been doubly-warned. DON’T COMPLAIN IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT AND READ IT ANYWAY. :P
So, most Christians believe you should save yourself for marriage. I always believed this. I even went so far as to not want to kiss before marriage (that went out the window when I met Mr. Sexy back in my freshman year - but I never kissed my emo boyfriend who came before him!), but I think that was due to me being upset that no one had even tried to kiss me for the first 18-19 years of my life. Like...if I say I’m saving it, no one will know how big of a loser I am.
Anywho. I can see the reasoning for that. I’ve only had sex with Mr. T (But that happened prior to our wedding day - SURPRISE, anyone who didn’t know! If it makes you feel better, we were engaged, at least...). I did “fool around” with the douchebag that came before him. I won’t go into more detail than that, for all our sakes. And I really do regret that. He has given me nothing but regrets and bad memories. So on the one hand...
But then there’s that other hand. I had a lovely, lovely friend get married. She’s much more...conservative...than I am. And her friends were even more conservative than she! So she was a virgin going into her wedding night. And most of her bridesmaids - well, all her single bridesmaids - were also virgins. For her bachelorette party they made penis cupcakes...and they didn’t come close to looking anatomically correct. And one of the girls making it was married! With a child! Blew my mind. Anyway - the night before the wedding we all went shopping together. My dear friend bought all sorts of crazy stuff. Preparing for the worst. She doesn’t drink, but she was planning on having wine. She bought all sorts of calming stuff, and lubes, and stuff to help her “with the pain” after.
It totally blew my mind. And everyone else was freaking. the. f. out. It was crazy! I was like...it’s just sex!! It’s fun! I maaaay have been drunk the first time (HOW TERRIBLE OF ME), but it didn’t hurt all that bad. I just wasn’t seeing what the big deal was. So while all these virgins were telling her all these horror stories (WTF, ladies?!?!), I was trying to calm her down. I obviously failed.
I texted her while they were on their honeymoon, to check in on “the experience”. She had totally freaked. Now, she is a tiny little lady, and her husband is a fairly large man (I can’t speak for their...intimate areas...of course, but this is just overall size). So I’m sure there might have been some size differences. But I refuse to believe there wasn’t some psychological issues as well. They’re having to go to counseling, and have been married for quite some time now - still haven’t had sex. It’s...it’s really sad to me. I mean, I’m lazy and will often turn down the naughty time with Mr. T if it’s late and I need to go to bed (HOW TERRIBLE OF A PERSON AM I, SERIOUSLY?!)....but when he does convince me to cooperate, we both have a good time.
So...what’s my opinion? I have no idea. I do know that planning a wedding is fracking stressful. I can’t imagine having the whole “I’m about to have sex for the first time.” thought looming over me the entire time I’m picking out colors and dresses and the million other things women have to worry about because men just do. not. care. I do believe my wedding was less stressful because of it. We didn’t even have sex on our wedding night! Again, alcohol was the culprit (OMG, I SUCK) - I passed out after our after party.
And maybe that’s the answer. Don’t have sex on your wedding night. Know you’re not going to. Just enjoy being together as a married couple for the first time. Wait until you’re on your honeymoon and the stress of the wedding, and family is gone. You’re in an unfamiliar place, and you feel safe and adventurous with your love. Maybe that’s my advice. I don’t know.
I do know I’m terrified my kids are going to start having sex in high school. No parent wants that. I would prefer for them to wait until they’ve found the person they’re going to marry. Definitely wait until they’re adults and know what they want out of life and a life partner. I definitely don’t want to them to give it up to people who are barely acquaintances. But do I think they’re going to go to Hell if they have sex before their married? No. If they make a mistake and have sex with someone they end up not marrying? No. I do know this: I don’t want them to have the regrets I do over el douchebag. But I also know I don’t want them to have the same experience my friend has had.
In conclusion: ...I got nothing. Well, sex is an extremely personal thing. Do what you think is best. I won’t judge you, and anyone who does isn’t worth your time.
Also, I hope that if my dear friend reads this she doesn’t get upset with me. I love her, and her situation is breaking my heart. I hope things work out for her and her husband, and soon.
September 15, 2012
Suck It!
I will have a child one day, and my child will be awesome! You'll look at him and go, "Man. I wish my kid was that cool!" But no, your kid will be dumb and boring. He'll look like every other baby out there. You put him on the playground and not be able to pick which one is yours anymore. Everybody be coming up to you going "Awww... Look at your baby! He's such a baby-like baby!" And you'll be like "Yeah! My baby's a boring as I am! We live in a boring house with boring lives and do boring things!" And I'll look over, with a single tear glistening on my cheek, thinking Where did this country go wrong? And no one will have an answer! The world will weep for you!!
Yeah, no. Not really. My kid's gonna be the one eating sand and running into things. Get trapped in a corner because he doesn't know to turn around. But that's cool. At least I'll know which one's mine. :P
Yeah, no. Not really. My kid's gonna be the one eating sand and running into things. Get trapped in a corner because he doesn't know to turn around. But that's cool. At least I'll know which one's mine. :P
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September 14, 2012
Friday Tunes
Day 15: A Song That Describes Me
2011: "Milkshake" by Kelis
What I said: "This is what happens when I ask Mr. T his opinion..."
2012: "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"
Another high school Christian...rock?...song. I feel it's applicable. Also, I like it. I think imma be jamming out to some past favorites tonight.
September 13, 2012
I'm sorry...
I think you’re a very pretty woman. Beautiful, even. You’ve got a pretty face, nice body. You’re much better at putting makeup on than I’ll ever be (even though I could argue you use too much makeup, but that’s not important in the long run). You model. I don’t. What do I know? People love your pictures - you get tons of compliments. Congratulations!
But....
Your face! When you pose, you make the worst face! And it’s the same face! In every picture! So many exclamation marks! But I wish someone would tell you... It’s not an attractive face. Half the time you look like you’re smelling a fart - the other half like you’re getting something shoved up your pooper. I know it’s “edgy” and “sexy” to have a stern face. But. Try smiling. Or a different edgy/sexy/stern face. Please! Do something! You’re too pretty for this.
But....
Your face! When you pose, you make the worst face! And it’s the same face! In every picture! So many exclamation marks! But I wish someone would tell you... It’s not an attractive face. Half the time you look like you’re smelling a fart - the other half like you’re getting something shoved up your pooper. I know it’s “edgy” and “sexy” to have a stern face. But. Try smiling. Or a different edgy/sexy/stern face. Please! Do something! You’re too pretty for this.
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September 12, 2012
Rant
I wrote this a long time ago and am just now publishing it, lol
*“You” is not directed toward a specific person. This has come up several times in my life from multiple people.
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September 8, 2012
What?
What on earth was I going to post about? I had an idea earlier, but now I have forgotten it. How very tragic. Le sigh...
I’m still going to post, you know. I just don’t know what I’m going to write about yet. It will come to me. Maybe. Actually, probably not. I usually never get those ideas back once they go.
I did have weird dreams Thursday night, though. I think it was Thursday night. Eh, I don’t remember when it was. But I had weird dreams.
One of them was that the brother-in-law from Weeds was MY brother-in-law. And, as in Weeds, he was in love with me. Not that he’s in love with ME in Weeds, just that he’s in love with his sister-in-law. Who was me in the dream. But not the show. Party. Ah, anyway... It wasn’t quite as light-hearted as Weeds, in that he was trying to kill Mr. T... His brother is dead in the show, but...wow, I didn’t actually consider that he would be Mr. T’s brother and also trying to kill him until just now. So, yeah. He was also willing to kill me if I didn’t love him back. I remember at one point he was trying to cut me, but with a knife so dull it wasn’t even hurting, much less breaking the skin. I think I might have even tried to help him because he was so sad about it... But it wasn’t a nightmare, either. Because he was still goofy...just in a murderous way. I woke up around the time Mr. T fake hanged himself to try to trick his brother (geeze, what a weird family) into thinking he was dead.
Now what was the other one? Oh! It was after we had moved into our new house (so set in the future, apparently), and all my family and friends had gone to a Mexican restaurant to eat. And one of my old CS friends who has since moved to SC and I haven’t seen in forever (Heh, CS and SC....la la la) was there and got super trashed. He started wandering around the restaurant, messing with people’s food. Like - total strangers. And I was freaking out because I didn’t want my family (who was eating inside) to notice us and all our friends (who were eating outside) had been drinking. So I guess that one was more of a nightmare than the first one.
POST FINISHED!
I’m still going to post, you know. I just don’t know what I’m going to write about yet. It will come to me. Maybe. Actually, probably not. I usually never get those ideas back once they go.
I did have weird dreams Thursday night, though. I think it was Thursday night. Eh, I don’t remember when it was. But I had weird dreams.
One of them was that the brother-in-law from Weeds was MY brother-in-law. And, as in Weeds, he was in love with me. Not that he’s in love with ME in Weeds, just that he’s in love with his sister-in-law. Who was me in the dream. But not the show. Party. Ah, anyway... It wasn’t quite as light-hearted as Weeds, in that he was trying to kill Mr. T... His brother is dead in the show, but...wow, I didn’t actually consider that he would be Mr. T’s brother and also trying to kill him until just now. So, yeah. He was also willing to kill me if I didn’t love him back. I remember at one point he was trying to cut me, but with a knife so dull it wasn’t even hurting, much less breaking the skin. I think I might have even tried to help him because he was so sad about it... But it wasn’t a nightmare, either. Because he was still goofy...just in a murderous way. I woke up around the time Mr. T fake hanged himself to try to trick his brother (geeze, what a weird family) into thinking he was dead.
Now what was the other one? Oh! It was after we had moved into our new house (so set in the future, apparently), and all my family and friends had gone to a Mexican restaurant to eat. And one of my old CS friends who has since moved to SC and I haven’t seen in forever (Heh, CS and SC....la la la) was there and got super trashed. He started wandering around the restaurant, messing with people’s food. Like - total strangers. And I was freaking out because I didn’t want my family (who was eating inside) to notice us and all our friends (who were eating outside) had been drinking. So I guess that one was more of a nightmare than the first one.
POST FINISHED!
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Friday Tunes
Day 14: A Song No One Would Expect Me to Love
2011: "Price Tag" by Jessie J ft. BoB (cover by Karmin)
What I said: "I don't really care if you expect me to like it or not...I like the original version of song, and I love Karmin. Go watch all their covers (and the originals, too)!"
2012: "Must Be Doing Something Right" by Billy Currington
I'm guessing people wouldn't expect me to like this because I do. not. listen to Country music anymore. But I lived and breathed Country music up until high school, when I finally started branching out into genres that are actually good. Oh, but how I love Country music from the 90s up through the early-ish 2000s.
September 4, 2012
Three Months
Well, my contract is half over now. I’ve been working here for three months - three more to go before it runs out. It’s still weird, having a job. School has started back...all my friends are talking about classes and professors - homework and exams. It’s...different. To not be a part of that anymore. But exciting. I’m finally starting to feel like maybe I’m an adult. Shhh... Don’t tell anyone.
Mr. T and I have finally been able to save money. In three months, I’ve gotten my savings account back to where it was...oh goodness...it must have been about four years ago. I never had to take out a student loan, praise Jesus, but if I had stayed in school for another year I think I probably would have. Or grown to really really REALLY love ramen.
We just had our two-year anniversary as well - you may have heard that rumor. Things are going great. It’s hard to have two totally different lifestyles under one roof, though. The hours a tattoo artist keeps aren’t the same hours an office worker with a nearly-one-hour commute can keep and still function. But we’re making it work. Mr. T might actually start getting to bed at a decent hour! I was especially weird last night and got all mopey about always having to sleep alone. I didn’t even realize it was an issue myself until just then. I was trying to fall asleep and couldn’t. Which never happens. Then I was like I really hate going to bed alone every night and went to get Mr. T. :) He was a great sport about it and said he’ll start trying to move up his bed time (you know, from 4:00 to maybe 1:00 or so :P).
That elusive five-year mark is getting dangerously close, too. The five year anniversary that we said we’d start trying to have kids. I feel like I’m starting to mature enough to be prepared for that. Then the animals do something to piss me off and my reaction makes me think What if that had been a child?? and I think maybe I’m not. lol! Children learn better than animals, maybe. They learn to communicate with you. And I’ll probably love them a little more than I do Splinter or Chairman... I mean, maybe. I know my niece has never upset me as much as the animals, even when she’s less cute than normal (hardly ever happens). But since I’m not around her 24/7, who knows? ;)
So, yeah. All that to say I’m starting to feel a little more mature, I guess. I mean, most of the time not really. But does anyone ever really feel grown up? You wake up one day and suddenly you’re 60 and you think Where did the time go? That scares me sometimes. Life on this planet is so fleeting. I mean, what - at best you get around 100 years? But if you last that long, the last couple decades aren’t going to be great. It’s a fact. People just...fall apart. Mentally, physically...it’s scary.
Speaking of... My uncle just found out he has lymphoma. THAT is terrifying. He’s in his late sixties. Always been healthy, as far as I know. He’s just been feeling bad the last few weeks and went in to get it checked out. “Oh, hey - you have cancer.” Those are words no one EVER wants to hear. (I’m sure those exact words have never been told to a patient, but you get my point.) I think he was going in today to find out how extensive it is. It just...it sucks.
I’ve been thinking about age a lot lately. And death. All my grandparents have passed away now. When I was growing up I always knew I was lucky that all four of them were still alive. Most of my friends had already lost one or two, or more. Then my grandmother passed away after my freshman year of college. We lost both my mom’s parents in a car accident the winter before Mr. T and I got married. And then finally my grandfather and pseudo-grandfather (Mama N’s dad) followed in the next couple years. One day it hit me - those were my parents parents. I mean...you know that, logically. But then you start thinking about how when your kids’ grandparents pass away...those are your parents. And I just can’t imagine a world without my parents in it.
omg - what’s happening!? I need to change the topic fast. This is too emotional for me. I think it’s because I started journaling again, and then misplaced my journal. All my feelings leaked out onto my blog. Ewww, gross.
So, right. Job. Money. Savings. Suddenly: Mr. T and I bought a house. If you know me, and all my readers do, you should probably already know this. Just in case you don’t - we did. We went for a house that will work for us for the rest of our lives. So it’s...a bit expensive. I mean, not terribly expensive. But we could definitely have gone for a smaller, more appropriate for us now house. But then we’d have to sell it and buy a new one in five or so years, when our kids are more people and less baby. Gah - in five years we’ll more than likely be parents...
But, if you’ve read my OTHER BLOG you would know Miss C is moving in with us. I offered her $100 less than what she would be paying in the apartment she was going to move into, and thanks to her love of the finer things in life she will be paying about half our mortgage. Woo!! :) Now if we could just find another roommate to pay the same amount... Nah - I don’t want a house full of people.
It’s scary, though. I mean...I just have a six-month contract. And even though I’m about 95% sure I’ll be offered a permanent position, it’s still not a guarantee. And if they don’t, I’m about....98%...sure the contracting firm can get me another contract/permanent position pretty quickly, but that is also not a guarantee. So...December could be a very bad month for us. But I’ve been able to save about $1k a month since I started work, and we’ve got another 3-4 months to go. So if I don’t have a job for...about a month...we should be fine. “Should” being the key word. That is if the pipes don’t burst, or a tree falls on the roof (I don’t think there are any trees big enough to do that, actually.), or or or... Buying a house is scary!!
Oh, but I can’t wait. I already started packing! Mr. T and Roommate were making fun of me, but it’s so important to start early and take your time! When I moved out of my last apartment before we got married, I got like five boxes done a few weeks early, then didn’t pack anything else until the day before I had to be out. It was a disaster! We were up until nearly 4:00 getting everything out. We ran out of boxes, crap was just getting thrown everywhere. Then I lived with my sister for three months, followed by nine months with Mr. T’s grandparents. I lost sooo much stuff. THAT’S NOT HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN.
We bought twenty of those fancy Bankers Boxes from Walmart. The ones you assemble yourself. They’re so sturdy! I love them. Everyone’s all “Don’t buy boxes - get them for free!!” But then you have to deal with all these weird sizes, and some aren’t all that sturdy anymore. You usually have to tape them back together, and then take them off to recycling when you’re done, because they’re useless. These boxes don’t require any tape, and you can break them back down to store and use later. I have one that I’ve been using for years to hold shoes. It’s still in excellent shape. They’re magnificent. And I definitely want a paycheck for my advertising, Bankers Boxes! I should get at least a nickel.
With DVDs, books, knick-knacks, giraffes, stuffed animals (I’M AN ADULT - LEAVE ME ALONE!)...I’ve filled up about eighteen of them. lol! But that’s eighteen boxes we don’t need to worry about packing anymore. And it’s eighteen boxes of things we don’t need for the next month. It could be argued that maybe we don’t EVER need them, if we won’t need them for an entire month. But to that I say “Suck it.”
I am terrified, though, that I might not get offered a permanent position. Have I already mentioned that? I think I did. What else was I going to say, then? No clue. But! HOUSE!
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
(That was for Exum.)
I guess I’ll go now. This post is already so long no one’s going to read it. :P
Mr. T and I have finally been able to save money. In three months, I’ve gotten my savings account back to where it was...oh goodness...it must have been about four years ago. I never had to take out a student loan, praise Jesus, but if I had stayed in school for another year I think I probably would have. Or grown to really really REALLY love ramen.
We just had our two-year anniversary as well - you may have heard that rumor. Things are going great. It’s hard to have two totally different lifestyles under one roof, though. The hours a tattoo artist keeps aren’t the same hours an office worker with a nearly-one-hour commute can keep and still function. But we’re making it work. Mr. T might actually start getting to bed at a decent hour! I was especially weird last night and got all mopey about always having to sleep alone. I didn’t even realize it was an issue myself until just then. I was trying to fall asleep and couldn’t. Which never happens. Then I was like I really hate going to bed alone every night and went to get Mr. T. :) He was a great sport about it and said he’ll start trying to move up his bed time (you know, from 4:00 to maybe 1:00 or so :P).
That elusive five-year mark is getting dangerously close, too. The five year anniversary that we said we’d start trying to have kids. I feel like I’m starting to mature enough to be prepared for that. Then the animals do something to piss me off and my reaction makes me think What if that had been a child?? and I think maybe I’m not. lol! Children learn better than animals, maybe. They learn to communicate with you. And I’ll probably love them a little more than I do Splinter or Chairman... I mean, maybe. I know my niece has never upset me as much as the animals, even when she’s less cute than normal (hardly ever happens). But since I’m not around her 24/7, who knows? ;)
So, yeah. All that to say I’m starting to feel a little more mature, I guess. I mean, most of the time not really. But does anyone ever really feel grown up? You wake up one day and suddenly you’re 60 and you think Where did the time go? That scares me sometimes. Life on this planet is so fleeting. I mean, what - at best you get around 100 years? But if you last that long, the last couple decades aren’t going to be great. It’s a fact. People just...fall apart. Mentally, physically...it’s scary.
Speaking of... My uncle just found out he has lymphoma. THAT is terrifying. He’s in his late sixties. Always been healthy, as far as I know. He’s just been feeling bad the last few weeks and went in to get it checked out. “Oh, hey - you have cancer.” Those are words no one EVER wants to hear. (I’m sure those exact words have never been told to a patient, but you get my point.) I think he was going in today to find out how extensive it is. It just...it sucks.
I’ve been thinking about age a lot lately. And death. All my grandparents have passed away now. When I was growing up I always knew I was lucky that all four of them were still alive. Most of my friends had already lost one or two, or more. Then my grandmother passed away after my freshman year of college. We lost both my mom’s parents in a car accident the winter before Mr. T and I got married. And then finally my grandfather and pseudo-grandfather (Mama N’s dad) followed in the next couple years. One day it hit me - those were my parents parents. I mean...you know that, logically. But then you start thinking about how when your kids’ grandparents pass away...those are your parents. And I just can’t imagine a world without my parents in it.
omg - what’s happening!? I need to change the topic fast. This is too emotional for me. I think it’s because I started journaling again, and then misplaced my journal. All my feelings leaked out onto my blog. Ewww, gross.
So, right. Job. Money. Savings. Suddenly: Mr. T and I bought a house. If you know me, and all my readers do, you should probably already know this. Just in case you don’t - we did. We went for a house that will work for us for the rest of our lives. So it’s...a bit expensive. I mean, not terribly expensive. But we could definitely have gone for a smaller, more appropriate for us now house. But then we’d have to sell it and buy a new one in five or so years, when our kids are more people and less baby. Gah - in five years we’ll more than likely be parents...
But, if you’ve read my OTHER BLOG you would know Miss C is moving in with us. I offered her $100 less than what she would be paying in the apartment she was going to move into, and thanks to her love of the finer things in life she will be paying about half our mortgage. Woo!! :) Now if we could just find another roommate to pay the same amount... Nah - I don’t want a house full of people.
It’s scary, though. I mean...I just have a six-month contract. And even though I’m about 95% sure I’ll be offered a permanent position, it’s still not a guarantee. And if they don’t, I’m about....98%...sure the contracting firm can get me another contract/permanent position pretty quickly, but that is also not a guarantee. So...December could be a very bad month for us. But I’ve been able to save about $1k a month since I started work, and we’ve got another 3-4 months to go. So if I don’t have a job for...about a month...we should be fine. “Should” being the key word. That is if the pipes don’t burst, or a tree falls on the roof (I don’t think there are any trees big enough to do that, actually.), or or or... Buying a house is scary!!
Oh, but I can’t wait. I already started packing! Mr. T and Roommate were making fun of me, but it’s so important to start early and take your time! When I moved out of my last apartment before we got married, I got like five boxes done a few weeks early, then didn’t pack anything else until the day before I had to be out. It was a disaster! We were up until nearly 4:00 getting everything out. We ran out of boxes, crap was just getting thrown everywhere. Then I lived with my sister for three months, followed by nine months with Mr. T’s grandparents. I lost sooo much stuff. THAT’S NOT HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN.
We bought twenty of those fancy Bankers Boxes from Walmart. The ones you assemble yourself. They’re so sturdy! I love them. Everyone’s all “Don’t buy boxes - get them for free!!” But then you have to deal with all these weird sizes, and some aren’t all that sturdy anymore. You usually have to tape them back together, and then take them off to recycling when you’re done, because they’re useless. These boxes don’t require any tape, and you can break them back down to store and use later. I have one that I’ve been using for years to hold shoes. It’s still in excellent shape. They’re magnificent. And I definitely want a paycheck for my advertising, Bankers Boxes! I should get at least a nickel.
With DVDs, books, knick-knacks, giraffes, stuffed animals (I’M AN ADULT - LEAVE ME ALONE!)...I’ve filled up about eighteen of them. lol! But that’s eighteen boxes we don’t need to worry about packing anymore. And it’s eighteen boxes of things we don’t need for the next month. It could be argued that maybe we don’t EVER need them, if we won’t need them for an entire month. But to that I say “Suck it.”
I am terrified, though, that I might not get offered a permanent position. Have I already mentioned that? I think I did. What else was I going to say, then? No clue. But! HOUSE!
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE
(That was for Exum.)
I guess I’ll go now. This post is already so long no one’s going to read it. :P
September 3, 2012
Things We Need
I'm just gonna make a running list of things we'll need for the new place. What? you ask? Well, you OBVIOUSLY need to go here to catch up on what you've been missing! Shame on you!!
So, yeah, this post isn't really for you guys. And it would make more sense to just write it on a piece of paper, or type it in Excel or Word or something... But I feel like blogging. So I blog.
*ahem
Things We Need:
So, yeah, this post isn't really for you guys. And it would make more sense to just write it on a piece of paper, or type it in Excel or Word or something... But I feel like blogging. So I blog.
*ahem
Things We Need:
- better vacuum cleaner
- dresser for Mr. T
- dish washing detergent (FINALLY - a dishwasher!!)
- washer/dryer (possibly - she may give us hers, and if not we're gonna try to move the ones in this house...crappy as they are, they'd be free - but the could also disintegrate if we try to move them)
September 2, 2012
Big News!
You should go here before you read any further.
So I've been packing and asked Mr. T to help a little. He put DVDs and games in a box then this hapened:
"Is there anything else you want to do?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know - anything that isn't folding boxes and packing?"
"I mean...is there anything in particular you'd rather be doing?"
"....well....we could watch Breaking Dawn: Part 1 if you wanted."
Ho. Lee. Crap. Boy does NOT want to pack, does he?!?
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