Yes, I've been home alone for awhile, working on homework. Why do you ask?
Anyway - I just want to say our dog is a little sh*t. No, he's not the sh*t. That is a compliment, somehow. I don't know, these crazy kids and their crazy slang. Back in my day comparing someone to fecal matter was not a compliment - let me tell you! (Also, another poop post!!!)
Anyway - our dog is a little sh*t.
Yes, I am going to continue to spell sh*t this way. You see - I'm not swearing, but YOU are. Oh yes you are. In your little brain hole you're thinking the naughty word, while I get to be pious and not actually swear. sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t (This is the part in the story where those of you who swear anyway need to just say it out loud to prove that I'm not getting inside your head but I am.)
Anyway - our dog is a little sh*t. The stupid sh*t pulled our only (ONLY!) curtain down this morning, bending our only (ONLY!) curtain rod. The little sh*t.
If you've been to our house or met him, you know I speak the truth. Any time anyone comes over...oi - the barking! We have our windows open right now because the weather's so nice we need not heat nor air - only open windows. But this means every. single. noise. that our neighbors make results in the bark fest to end all bark fests.
Now that we have Chairman Meow (another little sh*t), the level of sh*t in the house rose up to neck level. CM needs, desperately, to be on your person in some fashion. Lap, neck, arm, hand, foot, face - it does not matter - the only requirement is physical contact. And undivided attention. "Why are you typing, human - I need attention! And food." Well this gets Sh*t #1 all riled up. Even though the only attention Sh*t #2 is getting is me picking him up off me and setting him on the floor, every movement warrants immediate action on Sh*t #1's part.
(side note - Mr. T just came home, so the little sh*t is barking. and whining.)
Don't even get me started on bed time. I go to bed hours before Mr. T's magical bedtime of sunrise, so I get to snuggle up with three steaming piles of sh*t, not one of which can handle the other two piles. There is hissing, growling, barking, gnawing on my person, and always with the constant, never ceasing movement.
And now, for your amusement - all our little sh*ts in action:
Sh*t #1:
Sh*t #2:
The O.S. (Original Sh*t):
The entire time I was reading I was waiting for another "Anyhow - our dog is a little sh*t".
ReplyDeleteWho are you, Anonymous? What is your story? Where are you from? Who did you leave behind in the quest of Internet glory you have obviously embarked on with your witty and well-thought-out comment?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I probably would have thrown another one in for kicks if I had thought about it.
But yeah, our dog's a little sh*t.
I remember when original sh*t would be really sh*tty and attack my face at 6 am every day for foods. Because my alarm was going off. Awww, I miss cats!
ReplyDeleteBleh...come to our house and you can have one. We also have Kon outside that we feed leftovers to. You can take him.
ReplyDeleteIf I revealed my identity and/or background to you, I would cease to be Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the compliment. ;)
Well you're obviously not very smart, since that wasn't a compliment. :P
ReplyDeleteNot cool, man. Not cool.
ReplyDelete