I don't even know where to begin...

I guess I'll start at the beginning. You remember this post, right? My lovely photographer friend took sexy pretty pictures of me. Rawr. Well, after she showed them to me I recalled this model search one of my friends had entered. They were looking for 20 models and they hadn't had that many when she submitted so I was like...hmmm...I wonder if I could submit these pictures?? So I did. And I didn't think about it again.

I went to Mr. T's shop yesterday after work and the counter girl was all "I saw your pictures on Facebook - they look great!" And I was all... "Wut?" Apparently they were posted on Facebook last week sometime. So I go to take a look and they look great! I mean, I had seen them before, but still. Yay! It kind of took my thunder when I realized that everyone had won because there were so few submissions, but...still - Yay!

I wanted little miss photographer to know, so I commented on it with a tag for her to see. Then other people started commenting on it. At that point my brain should have gone "If all my friends can see this then my family is going to be able to see this. That's bad." But my brain is not my ally and it did not warn me of impending doom. This morning when I got to work I was all "herp dee derp, check FB - uh, oh - my uncle commented on the picture?!" He actually just cracked a job along the lines of "So is this the new job I've been hearing about" Haha, funny one, uncle. :P

A few hours later I get this message:

I am just glad that your grandparents are dead and can not see those pictures of you. Great if you want ed to give it to Todd but where is your respect to your parents?Married or not if you were [my daughter] you would get your butt beat!!!

It was sent from my darling stick-my-nose-in-everyone's-business-to-cause-family-drama cousin. I was immediately pissed off, but didn't want to fan the flames and cause more problems (I was still naively hoping my parents wouldn't see the pictures. Well actually, they haven't seen them... Anyway - later part of the story.) so I didn't respond. In the meantime I do post an apology status on Facebook, in case I upset any other family members:

I apologize if you see or hear anything involving me that offends you. I helped a friend out with her school work and then it entered a competition. I won!! (kind of -they ended up declaring us all winners...) I won't apologize for helping, but I am sorry if the public display of the work offends you. I never intended to do so.

Which actually got about 30 comments. Either the person was confused, or they were telling me I had nothing to be ashamed of - the pictures were beautiful! I guess if it did offend someone they weren't going to post about it on my wall, though... Then I get this email from Dad:

Don't know what you did but [your mom] is getting phone calls and she is upset.

Love you,

Pop

I'm about 99.99% sure I know who did it, so I'm like...oh alright, I'm sending her a response:

I am truly sorry you feel that way. I can't imagine anything in this world that would affect me so greatly that I would actually be happy that Mamaw and Papaw had passed. 

I am thankful that I am not your daughter if you plan on treating her like a child even into adulthood. I have no desire to upset anyone in the family, especially my parents. I just thought my friend did an amazing job and wanted to get her work recognized.

And I respond to Dad (since I still don't know what exactly they've heard) with:

I was afraid of that.

I can't go too long without causing problems - you guys would get soft.  :)

Well I love you. Try to not think the worst of me. You raised me right, no matter what they say about me.

Love you,
Sarah

Then it's all quiet on the home front. I delete my comments on the picture so they are in no way linked back to me. Well, except for darling uncle's comment...and I wait to see what's going to happen with Mom and Dad. I finally get a call from my sister on my way home from work. She had just dropped Baby M off with our parents for the night. She said Mom came up to her with "I was just told terrible news." immediately followed by out-of-control crying. So Sister thought someone had cancer or was dead or something completely terrible, only to find out it was pictures. That she had maybe already seen a few weeks ago. But, since she's the good daughter by way of being crafty (and cowardly) she keeps quiet. Sacrificing me.

Mom has her listen to darling stick-my-nose-in-everyone's-business-to-cause-family-drama cousin's voicemail (voicemail) that she had left Mom. SHE TOLD MOM THERE WERE NUDE PICTURES OF ME ONLINE. Excuse me while I go scream. I don't have the words to express just how totally pissed off I am about this entire thing. What a cunt. My parents have not seen the pictures. They've just been told their sweet little baby girl is NAKED ON THE INTERNETZ!! The parents who warn me every single time I go home to be careful what I post... Oy.

Then - the icing on the cake - I get this message from darling stick-my-nose-in-everyone's-business-to-cause-family-drama cousin:

If it does not glorify God then it shouldn't done. [My daughter] even said that showing off your body is not cool. You can also get fired from a job for doing things like this. I just want you to think about what you are doing and how it can and will effect you on down the road. Do you want your children to see that? The world has become so numb to this that everyone thinks it isok and it is not. There are some really crazy perverted people out there and you need to be careful. I love you no matter what.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to drive to [state where darling stick-my-nose-in-everyone's-business-to-cause-family-drama cousin] lives and punch someone in the boob. That I'm sure will be totally covered. From neck to ankles, that family. :P No, they're good people. It's just that darling stick-my-nose-in-everyone's-business-to-cause-family-drama cousin LOVES to stick her nose in everyone's business. So she's pissed a lot of people off. Never me. Until today. lol Gah - all of this happened in one day!

Awww... My brother just sent me this email:

Well I haven't talked to mom i did see the pictures a little while ago.  And i have to say while I wouldn't recommend them for a family Christmas card... :) your friend did do a good job in keeping them tasteful.  

That said while I don't agree with what [darling smniebtcfdc] said I would say u do need to be careful putting yourself out there for the world to see.  You never know who is watching.  While most people are innocent there r a lot that are not.  Not to mention you are a working girl now and must be careful what your employer and future employers see.  

Lastly u r a good Christian girl and while the pictures were not "dirty" i see these pictures as something special for u and [Mr. T] to share.  That said do i think you crossed any biblical lines?  No, but u do need to be careful.

Okay I am done.  But before I go I do want you to know that i and the family still love you and in the end we only want the best for you.  Should [darling smniebtcfdc] had said what she said and handled it the way she did?  Absolutely not!  The only thing I can figure is maybe her kids so it first and that set her off.  But even that is no excuse as kids nowadays are exposed to so much more graphic material.

Okay I am really done now and ready for bed.  Hope you are doing the same.

But now my narrative is slightly out of order. Where was I? Oh, I responded to darling stick-my-nose-in-everyone's-business-to-cause-family-drama cousin!!!

I don't even have the words... You have made me more angry today than I have been in a long time. 

YOU CALLED MY MOM ON ME!! Like I'm some teenager who can be grounded. I am twenty-three years old. A married woman who has been living on her own for nearly seven years now. I'm sorry your daughter saw the pictures, I truly am. (As a side note: I don't think Facebook is the place for teenagers in the first place and have now removed all of them from my friends because of this.) Instead of coming to me as an adult and discussing it with me you attacked me in a message and then CALLED MY MOTHER.

I am a Christian. I attend church every week and am very active in a small group of young married couples. I know that I have some differing opinions on what is "right" and "wrong" in this world compared to most of the family, and I know that some of the things I do in life will upset my parents. So I avoid involving them. Nothing - absolutely NOTHING was accomplished by you calling my mom today, other than hurting her. And pissing me off. Well, and finally motivating me to clean out my Facebook friends. So thank you for that, at least.

"If it does not glorify God then it shouldn't [be] done..." You told my mother there were NUDE pictures of me online! Are you KIDDING me?! Those are NOT "nude pictures" - I am more covered than half the people you will see on vacation at the beach. My friend - also a Christian - needed photos for her portfolio. She's graduating this month. She very carefully made sure nothing was exposed (her teacher told her they would have looked better if I was totally topless). I thought she did such an amazing job I wanted to show them off, so I entered them in a contest. Everyone - including a good portion of people from our small group at church - had nice things to say about me, the photographer, and how tastefully done the whole thing was.

Maybe the world is going down the crapper and we're all blind to it. I don't know. But it was not your place to call my mother, however you feel about me OR the photos. Next time instead of gossiping to the entire family, why don't you try open and honest communication?

And then I needed to email my parents again:

I've talked to [sister] and know more of the story. I wanted to let you know:

1. I'm sorry.
2. There are three pictures of me and I am not naked in them. I am as covered up as most of the people you would see on the beach. Granted, it can be argued that that is still not enough, but I want you to know that I am not exposing myself in any way. If you want to see a picture for yourself I can send you one.
3. Again - I am so sorry. I love you guys. When I realized the pictures were linked to me and showing up in people's news feeds I made sure to undo those ties, but not before [darling smniebtcfdc] saw, apparently. Instead of talking to me about it she sent me a very hateful message on Facebook and called you guys. 
4. One more time: I'm sorry you were drug into it. I never wanted to hurt you.

Goodness griefous. I think you're all caught up now. What have I learned? Family is complicated. :D I know the pictures could cause me problems with work, but so could my hair, or my tattoos, or the copious amounts of drugs I do. Oh, wait - no drugs? No...I don't do drugs. How boring. I think they're very tasteful.** I hope I don't get fired because of them...I really like my job. But what's done is done. Live and learn. Hopefully my life is nice and dull for months to come.

Now I have to go shower and get in bed. Work in the morning! Until they see my horrible, naughty pictures and fire me posthaste. :P Bye!!

**Update: I think the pictures are tasteful. Not drugs.

















Oh...you want to see them? HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!

(The one with Chairman is my favorite.)

Oh! And one that she took that was TOO SHOCKING for Facebook!!!!!!

HE'S TOTALLY NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!