June 21, 2013

My Life

(8:43:50 AM) Yours Truly: TMI STORY TIME
(8:44:00 AM) Yours Truly: So.
(8:44:11 AM) Yours Truly: Way back when, I went to the doctor for a physical.
(8:44:33 AM) Yours Truly: Or, at least that's what I thought I was doing. Basic wellness exam - supposed to be covered under our insurance.
(8:44:50 AM) Yours Truly: Somehow I was charged $50+, but that's a side note.
(8:45:05 AM) Yours Truly: I could probably call the insurance company and try to straighten it out, but not dealing with that is worth $50 to me.
(8:45:08 AM) Yours Truly: ANYway.
(8:45:23 AM) Yours Truly: We discussed some weird bumps on my head, and also poo.
(8:45:30 AM) Yours Truly: First, the bumps.
(8:45:45 AM) Yours Truly: Apparently it's just like some sort of calcium deposit, or something?
(8:45:55 AM) Yours Truly: He used to be an army doc and said he'd seen them all the time.
(8:46:24 AM) Yours Truly: He compared it to an oyster. They would numb the skin, slice it open, and out would pop this little disc. They'd give it to the guys to keep. lol
(8:46:34 AM) Yours Truly: Disgusting, but whatever.
(8:46:43 AM) Yours Truly: So I was like, alright, I'll keep the bumps.
(8:47:05 AM) Yours Truly: (He saw it all the time in the army, because they shave their heads.)
(8:47:11 AM) Yours Truly: Anyway.
(8:47:44 AM) Yours Truly: Not to go into too much detail, but sometimes when I poo it's unpleasant. And then it remains that way the next few times. I wanted to make sure I didn't have some sort of butt cancer or something.
(8:48:15 AM) Yours Truly: ("unpleasant" = pain & blood, just so you don't think I was being a pussy)
(8:48:53 AM) Yours Truly: And he suggested adding like a teaspoon of MiraLax to a drink every day. Just to...loosen stuff up.
(8:49:02 AM) Yours Truly: Allllllllllllll that to say...
(8:49:09 AM) Yours Truly: Oh, also.
(8:49:21 AM) Yours Truly: When we went to Bonnaroo we bought snacks, and one of them was raisins.
(8:49:23 AM) Yours Truly: So.
(8:49:27 AM) Yours Truly: Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll that to say.
(8:50:12 AM) Yours Truly: 1. I'm eating raisins for breakfast at work. So I had to bring in my stool softener AND raisins. I was like "pleaseohpleaseohplease no one see what I'm doing right now".
(8:50:41 AM) Yours Truly: 2. I put the (offbrand, cuz dollas!) MiraLax in my coffee, which may actually destroy my life.
(8:59:35 AM) Yours Truly: Oh, and finally, he told me I could use as little as a teaspoonful, but to do it every day (presumably for the rest of my life).
(8:59:46 AM) Yours Truly: But the bottle says to use a metric f*ck-ton and only for a week.
(8:59:53 AM) Yours Truly: I guess that's for the people with serious issues.
(9:00:02 AM) Yours Truly: mmmmm, raisins
(9:22:52 AM) Yours Truly: Baaaaaaaaah
(9:23:00 AM) Yours Truly: I picked at a stupid scab right when my bosses walked up.
(9:23:19 AM) Yours Truly: I was like "please don't be bleeding, please don't be bleeding" my grandboss said "you've got blood all over your face" >.<
(9:23:30 AM) Yours Truly: BIT OF AN EXAGGERATION, for the record
(9:23:34 AM) Yours Truly: but super embarrassing
(9:37:27 AM) FRAN: Lmfao