February 10, 2012

Lady Doctor

"Gynecologist" is so hard to spell. Why doctors gotta be so complicated? Is it just another way for them to feel superior?

Gentlemen, you may not want to read any more past this point.

I have an appointment in...less than an hour. Woo! I always get freaked out beforehand. It's just so awkward. You gotta get all naked, and then they feel around in your most special spots. I know it's been said before, but geeze...I wish they'd buy me dinner first.

My friend eLLe went for the first time a couple weeks ago. She's never had sex or even used a tampon, but she's getting married and wanted to get on BC. When they tried to...go in...it hurt her, so they said they'd just wait until after she had sex. !!! Way to freak someone out!

I'm most stressed about the weight thing. I know I've gained weight since last year. And I had gained 10lbs that year. Is it going to be another 10? Am I going to go up 10lbs every year until I'm morbidly obese and disgusting?? I'M WORKING OUT - DON'T JUDGE ME, DOCTOR LADY!!

This part is kind of awkward - feel free to skip.

Also, my period started on Monday. I called to make sure it would be okay and they said it would be fine as long as I was "light" and not "medium to heavy." I assume I'm "light" - I don't think I've ever been "heavy" based on horror stories I've heard. That's kind of a subjective thing, I think. And it's just going to make everything that much more awkward. I panic about being gross anyway - now I'm actually going to be gross.

Alright, out of the awkward zone. For the most part.

Anywho - I've got to head out. I'll report back in when I return from getting felt up and poked and prodded. Oh! I was reading about going to the doctor on your period and the article said at one point they're supposed to do a rectum exam. ohnothankyouplease Either I've blocked it out or that has never happened to me. And I'm not about to bring it up today.


Six pounds! I only gained six this year. Huzzah! As a reward, I ate some Popeye's Chicken. Don't question it, just move on. I told the doctor my libido (oh snap, I'm telling all now) had dropped while on the pill and Mr. T was not too excited about that. I asked about other options and she mentioned an IUD. Anyone have any experience with that? Mr. T has heard terrible terrible things. I've heard no things.

I like the idea of not having to worry for 5 or 10 years about birth control. I would prefer the 5 year, I think, because it's gonna come out sooner than that, anyway, probably. The 10 year is copper, which worries me because I (or at least my ears) have always been sensitive to metals. The 5 year still has hormones - to cause periods to be lighter. She said some women don't even have a period. That weirds me out. I haven't missed a month since I was 12 and had my first.

Anyway - any opinions? Horror stories? Amazing BC that you use?

I Googled "lady doctor" and this was one of the more fantastic options I was given. ALSO - go to that source and read it. It amused me. I have no idea what that site is about, but it made my day.

Another side note: Check out the vulva cupcakes. So gross. So, so gross. And Mr. Bearded-Man-Who-Thinks-It's-Bad-If-You-Don't-Masturbate can be all "distressed" and "heart broken" that I don't think it's some sort of magical women's freedom moment to have our genitalia made out of fondant and put on a cupcake. SOME OF THEM ARE BLOODY.