**Okay, I wrote this the Friday I watched Rock of Ages (June 15). I just never posted it. SORRY.**
My review of Rock of Ages:
Overall: pretty good
Recommendation: Redbox - not theaters
So....if you know me at all you know I <3 Russell Brand. It didn’t matter to me what this movie was about, as long as he was in it. I watched Hop for the same reason. I love the man, but he chooses some weeeeird roles, guys. lol
Anyway, even outside of Russell B. being in it, this movie seemed pretty funny. You’ve got Tom Cruise playing an aging rock star, which is ironic because he’s an aging movie star. Well, the “star” part depends on who you’re talking to. He had the body of a 40-something...it was sad. And then there was Alec Baldwin, who plays the same character always. I think it’s just Alec Baldwin. Also - he can’t sing. Oh lawd, he can’t sing. Mmmmm... Mary Blige was in it. She was cool. Someone told me most of the movie takes place in a strip club - total lie. Maybe 20 minutes. And you don’t even see boobies. It’s PG-13, people. The pole dancers had MAD skills, though. I was impressed. Okay, who else? Paul Giamatti. He looks so skeevy in the movie. It’s gross, and awesome. AND - he sings. Terribly. It’s great. Then there are the two younger people I don’t know. The chick was in Burlesque, which I’ve seen and liked. She’s apparently a Country singer. The dude? No idea. But I didn’t really like him. As a singer or an actor. There was also the chick that I thought was Emma Stone for about 50% of the movie, until I asked Miss C and she was all “Oh no she innit!” and I looked it up on IMDb. (Don’t yell at me for using my phone in theaters - there were only like 10 people there. It was seriously the worst turn out for a midnight release I’ve ever seen. I still don’t understand why it was a midnight release.)
Well that paragraph kind of ran away from me. I was just going to say my idea of what it might be, not actually what it turned out to be. Oh, well. I thought it would be good, and it was...well it’s wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t great. I can definitely see how it would be a great Broadway musical. But that stage-to-film translation didn’t go...well. It’s worth a Redbox. Or maybe even a purchase after it’s been out for awhile and the price drops.
The best part (to me) was this:
Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin own the club that 90% of the movie is in. About midway through the movie Russell starts singing “Can’t Fight this Feeling” to Alec Baldwin and it turns into a duet and they reveal that they’re in love...there’s this whole montage of their “special moments” from the past...it’s great. And then they kiss! Apparently. Somehow Miss C and I missed it I think it was because of the story I’m about to tell you.
Okay, so about ¾ of the way through the movie, Miss C flails like Miss C do. She’s freaking out over a spider she felt crawling on her. I’m 99% sure she’s flailed said “spider” onto me. She’s convulsing, and now I feel jittery because I’m sure it’s on me. Well, about 5-10 minutes later my fears are confirmed - I feel it run across my hand. After a small panic I think “I’m going to be the mature one here and calmly smush it on my pants.” so I smear my hand all over my leg. And then proceed to feel bugs all over my body for the next 20 minutes or so. Both of us are scratching and flinching and twitching...I was convinced they had an infestation and when the lights came up we were going to be covered in tiny demon insects. But at the same time a small part of my brain was saying “This is all psychological - chill the f out.” Then, out of nowhere, it’s on my arm again. So I turn - very calmly - to Mr. T and gently ask “WTF IS THIS THING ON MY ARM?!” and once he sees it moving, tries to flick it off. I carefully whisper to him “STOP THAT - WE NEED TO KILL IT!!” Then we look closer and realize it’s a tick. That is why it was so indestructible. So I place it in his hands and Miss C and I try to not think about it again for the last bit of the movie. That totally didn’t work.
I feel itchy and crawly again just thinking about it.
It was around 3:00 when I got home, and I had to be up at 6:00 to get ready for work. My lunch break turned into my nap time - I brought a pillow and blanket and crashed so hard in my car. It was glorious.